9:48
by ZFiction
Summary: Modern long-distance AU Nezushi angsty drabble. It's actually all just one frustrated love drabble, to be honest. "He needs it, longs for it, longs for the high of Everything Is Going To Be Okay, the hallucinations of I Love You, the intoxication of It's Alright To Feel This Way."


Most likely OOC drabble AU garbage.

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Shion sits on his bed, under the pull of the storm's wind. There isn't a cloud in the sky outside his window, out where the summer sun is finally setting, and he longs to see all the stars that even in a few minutes he can't because he knows they live only in someone's eyes. He runs his fingers deftly through his hair, then tosses it back into frustrated dishevelment.

He's never felt this way before. Everyone is right when they say Love is like that. It's so true, he _has_ never ever felt this way. Never asked for it, either. Never felt so empty, never felt so scared never felt so alone never felt so hopeful never felt so confused never felt so angry, so very freaking angry at Nezumi for making him feel a thousand things he didn't ask for.

So very angry at Nezumi for making him fall in Love and effectively taking over his life. He feels it, an addiction under his skin, coursing through his veins, this Love thing that is totally ridiculous because he hates it and it's scary and illogical and doesn't make sense and he is completely out of control and he knows what would make him feel better. A nice long talk with Nezumi. Just one look into his eyes, just the edge of his smile, damn it. He needs it, longs for it, longs for the high of Everything Is Going To Be Okay, the hallucinations of I Love You, the intoxication of It's Alright To Feel This Way.

One cocky smirk and a few not even that sweet, not even that romantic, not even that sentimental words towards the sweet romantic sentimental mess and he would be Fine for a while until he can get his mind back again, tumbling down from his high deep in the trenches of wherever you fall when you fall in Love, back into the muddy clutches of Rock Bottom.

Rock Bottom used to be 3 am missing him. Then 2 am. Then 11:30 talking to him, saying things he knew he shouldn't say in hopes that he'd get some hand out to toss into his system so he would never have to fall out of his high again. Now it's 9:48 and he has no idea why he's a wreck he just is and he can't surrender and write to Nezumi he can't he can't he can't be that weak. Or maybe he's not that strong.

Shion sits on his bed and is angry at Nezumi because Shion is in Love for the first time, way too young, way too far away, with instant messengers that aren't arms and a longing that can't be satiated and a brain has never doubted happy endings more and a person who he knows, deep down, either isn't as good at expressing love or doesn't feel it as strongly.

Or maybe Shion is just stupid and ignorant for thinking that, or maybe he is stupid and ignorant for thinking anything but that, but really he get the feeling he is stupid and ignorant for falling in Love in the first place because he simultaneously wants to marry Nezumi and be with him forever and doesn't want anything to do with him because he quite clearly tears Shion apart without even knowing.

Shion pulls out his laptop. Stares at the instant messaging box of Nezumi's, who happens to be off very far away and probably busy and Shion doesn't know, if he writes to him, if he'd get a reply. Or what to do if he did. He'd probably slink right back into his old ways and his withdrawal would fade, some guilt filling in the emptiness, a little frustration, a little pity for putting Nezumi through that. He decides to wait, that silly little waiting game for Nezumi to message him first, if he ever will. If he'd ever put down his Shakespeare and think of Shion. If he'd ever look into the beady eyes of his pet mouse and remember his penpal. If he'd ever come home from work and write to his student friend who he says he loves but really Shion doesn't know what to say to that anymore.

Shion figures if Nezumi thinks of Shion half as much as he thinks of Nezumi, Nezumi won't be able to keep his mind distracted long enough to keep his fingers off his keyboard. If Nezumi is as in Love with Shion as Shion is with Nezumi, he won't be able to stay away.

So he sits, and he waits. And he thinks about writing some more stupid love poetry but Nezumi has left him speechless, and he contemplates doing homework but he just doesn't have it in him, so he pulls open Word and writes long sentences in meandering paragraphs of present tense about being in Love.

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To be honest I'm surprised you actually got through all that, if you're reading this. I apologize for feeling the need to publish my love rant. I'msorryit'snotevenaboutShionandNezumiatthispointandIknowthat


End file.
